Filled with Pride - but keeping my mouth shut (almost)

I do this with great trepidation.

What have I to say about World Pride?

I have a great many friends who are included, engage and active in the LGBTTTQQ2SA * community - I belong there as well, but I belong from a place of comfortable privilege.  Sometimes the best thing that one can do from a position of privilege is to "shut up".  Not that one doesn't have insight or opinion; not that privilege has blinded one to reality, but speaking from a place of privilege can simply clutter the air and suppress the voices that need to be heard. 

So, perhaps I should say nothing. 

I have never had my life; my very self, questioned, oppressed or excluded.  When hurtful words have been hurled at me, I have had the option and privilege of yelling back, "Am Not!" without feeling a stab of betrayal; a death of self.  I have no idea what it is like to be marginalized in the ways that my brothers and sisters have, as we grew up together yet apart.

So, maybe I should just shut up and let others speak.

If you're listening to me, you might be missing the man or woman who wants to dance and celebrate who he/she is, maybe for the first time publicly... or hold the hand of another without fear... or quietly know that there is nothing "wrong" with being who you are...

You might miss the expressions of love that are so profound that they leave you speechless... and not just romantic love, but love of life and being part of the glory of Creation... expressions that may not have occurred to you as you live your life authentically.  Look around and see the love - don't waste time listening to m, instead hear the stories of struggle, hope, triumph now and triumph yet to come... be engaged with all of humanity, especially those who have come to bring life and light to our city with the gift of World Pride.

Don't listen to me.

Instead, hounor the journey that our whole community has shared since the Gay Day Picnic at Hanlon's Point in 1971 - a journey of Human Rights that step by step has affirmed ALL People's rights to emigration and immigration (homosexual immigration was illegal in Canada until 1978); equal protection and equal benefit of the law (sexual orientation was not included in the Charter of Rights until 1986); freedom "within" religion (the United Church of Canada first allowed the Ordination of openly gay and lesbian ministers in 1986... many other Denominations and Faiths  are still challenged); the right to serve in the military (1992); the right to marry the person that you love (Ontario, 2003; Canada, 2005), the simple right to be respected and protected as you are (Charter of Rights amended 1996).  Realize that each of these steps has come as a result of great effort, love and sacrifice by many people - some know, most anonymous... honour the journey and mabye become part of the next step... 'cause we ain't done. 

If you're readying my blog or listening to me, you might miss out on the stories of celebration that come from this wide and diverse community.  The insights, wisdom, public policy, art, philosophy, music, humour, writing, intellect and love... that have been anything but self-serving but rather a gift to the whole world. 

For too long, people of privilege have recognized and then co-opted the voices of the marginalized - patting ourselves on the back for raising awareness, and completely unaware that we are pushing the marginalized away from the microphones, out of the spot lights and into the shadows.  Seriously, why would you want to hear me talk about Susan Gapka, Brent Hawkes, Kamal Al-Solaylee, Gary Paterson or a million others, when you can hear them for yourself?  They don't need need me to speak for them, they need me to shut up so that they can tell the stories; share the wisdom, insight and love authentically without notes. 

So... why am I writing this blog?

Because i was asked to...  challenged, actually.

(I am such a sucker for peer pressure... it's a wonder that I didn't smoke two packs of cigarettes a day and jump of bridges constantly when I was 10 -  I guess that no one double-dared me)

I am pretty sure that my challenger will find this blog lacking... but I will count on his grace and forgiveness. 

Why am I blogging?

Because of the Kingdom of God.

Because of the interconnectedness of all Creation. 

I know that Creation sounds very anti-science.  It's not.  However we have come to be, referring to "Creation" is a recognition that we are all connected; that we are continuing to evolve together into a more beautiful complex reality.  We are often evolving in spite of ourselves, kicking and screaming the whole way, but we are also often evolving joyously moving with and to the rhythm of all that surrounds us.... kind of like a great parade.

The Kingdom of God sounds very patriarchal; after all it is run by a King.  It sounds very Imperial and has been used as an excuse to topple one empire so that another could take its place, all in the name of God.  I believe that Jesus had something better in mind when he told us that the the Kingdom was a hand.  The Kingdom of God is present when we recognize each other lovingly, graciously and compassionately as brothers and sisters: One family.  The image was provided as a rebuke or alternative to the Kingdoms that fed only the rich and protected only the powerful, edifying class and privilege as the status quo. Jesus was inviting us to dream bigger and live beyond what the government of the day was offering:  A time when we are lovingly one.

So, with respect and a sense of responsibility to Creation and the Kingdom of God, I speak out on the occasion of World Pride 2014, not to hog the mic... but to add my voice in harmony to the songs being sung.  I speak up so that I am NOT withdrawing from the beauty and love that is being revealed all around me at World Pride, but participating.  I speak up in thanksgiving for our ever-evolving diversity (Creation continues, yeah!!), believing that it is always best to start with love and let the understanding grow from there.
I speak up simply to say "I love you, too" to whomsoever may be listening. 

Deep down, I think that all human beings simply want to "belong" - to community, to family, to God, to Creation... by speaking, I am saying that "you" belong and "we" belong together:  One amazing family. 

But enough from me... listen to my brothers and sisters.  I am proud of them all. 

*LGBTTQQ2SA  is an abbreviation used to represent a broad array of identities such as, but not limited to, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer, questioning, two-spirited, and allies.   It should also be noted that this year's Pride Parade will include Asexuals as well. 

Acting in the AFFIRMative

So, a little more than a week ago, Jubilee United Church became an Affirming Ministry.  

What that means is that we are intentionally welcoming and inclusive of all people, with an expressed welcome to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) people.  It turns out that we are the first church in North York to be officially “Affirming”.  I was a little surprised by that  (thought there would be more).  Since that day, I've been contacted by four other churches wondering how we did it and  if it was worthwhile.

Let me explain why we did it…

How we did it…

And why it took so long for us to do it…

First: Why.

Because it’s exactly what Jesus would have done.   Jesus regularly reached out beyond the centre, past where the majority sit in comfort, into the margins where people wondered if they actually were noticed by God.  He reached out to women in a culture that gave them no name and only shame in public.  He reached out to those who were grieving, when the rest of the world had nothing to say.  He reach out to Samaritans when proper first century Jews gave them disdain and a wide berth.  He spent time with despised tax collectors and disenfranchised widows; foreigners and prostitutes were his companions.    In the western world today, LGBT people are often found in the margins… left out of the centre… and a lot of young men and women, upon recognizing their own sexuality and discovering that their feelings and nature have left them out of the majority, wonder if God has left them out as well.  Just as Jesus did, we need to reach out and assure our brothers and sisters that they are loved, included, valued and needed. 

Some wondered if we weren't beyond being Affirming. After all, we have openly gay celebrities, self-identified LGBT people living in our communities, running businesses, George Takei is on Facebook and Twitter… we have an openly Lesbian Premier in Ontario and an openly Gay Moderator of the United Church.  Surely, there is no longer any need for us to make such a statement.

Did I mention that we are the first church in North York to become Affirming?
That means that no other church has made the explicit statement that we have made, even though the United Church of Canada declared that Sexuality was no barrier to being Ordained over 25 years ago… even though we have had same sex marriage in Ontario for a decade.  It is still politically beneficially for a Mayor of Toronto to be reluctant in supporting Pride Week.  Bullying and violence against LGBT teens is on the rise in 2013, not a thing of the past.    When the Defense of Marriage Act  was defeated in the U.S. last week (this act would have stopped individual States from recognizing same sex marriages), “Christian” commentators were invited on most networks to give the "Christian" perspective and it was almost unanimously AGAINST equal marriage rights for all people.    As I look around, I realize that our society is not BEYOND Affirming at all.  Children are being beat up… people in love are being refused their rights, even when it costs the rest of society nothing.   We need a few more rainbows around (rainbows being the symbol for Affirming and including, celebrating and welcoming the LGBT community).

So, how did we do it?

About two years ago, I asked about 20 people from the church to join me and talk about becoming an Affirming Ministry.   I invited some LGBT people in our congregation (please note: they are not a club, they are not a single entity… many of them disagree with each other, like each other, don’t like each other and have entirely different agendas from each other – just like everybody else!)  I invited some straight people (whatever term you choose… majority, people of privilege, breeders, neighbour, “I don’t know, maybe you”), some folks that I knew would be supportive, some folks that I suspected might find this challenging and some folks about whom I had on inside info or preconception.    We talked about the idea of Jubilee becoming Affirming.   We began to talk to others outside of the group (we met two or three times).  We wrote about becoming Affirming in the church bulletins, newsletters… we invited discussion and provided resources and reading material.  We let the word spread naturally.

Not a whole lot of formal “programming”.  It didn't seem like a campaign - nobody was "selling" anything. 

As word got around, I found myself visiting people’s homes and sitting down and talking. Actually, more than talking, I found myself listening.  I listened to concerns that we might become too much a “one note” church, only reaching out to the LGBT community and shunning others… I heard of fears that we would be over-run by new people who would change the way we do things…  I heard concerns that others might leave our church if we became Affirming (nobody suggested that they might leave, but they feared that others might)  I heard from only person that it was against God’s will that we accept LGBT people as they are, without condemning their “life style”.    

What I found is that many people were simply afraid of change.  

What I discovered is that many folk were so happy with the way things were at Jubilee, they didn’t want to risk any change.  

What I heard were a great many people who wanted to wonder about loud about the issue, but were afraid of being labeled “homophobic” or “backward”.  

In the meeting and talking, I found that most fears were relieved… without my having to do or prove a thing.  People got it… and embraced what we were trying to do, they just needed the chance to come to it themselves.

It was announced in advance that, at our Annual Meeting, we would vote on engaging with Affirm United to be designated an Affirming Ministry.  I presented the question with three options:  

YES, being the Process.  

WAIT, we need more time.  

NO, do not proceed with becoming an Affirming Ministry.  

Before the vote, a member of the congregation, who is lesbian, spoke of a woman who became accepting toward the end of her life and her only regret was the time that was lost before she has understood.  Our friend then invited the congregation to vote with their hearts and to not vote out of fear. “If you vote to not proceed… don’t worry, we won’t storm out… we won’t leave you”.

Best. Words. Ever!

The congregation voted 91% to engage.  The other 9% voted to wait a little longer. Nobody voted “No”.

I cried all the way home.

I didn't cry because I’m gay and found it a victory.  I’m not… and it wasn't a victory.  A victory means that there are vanquished:  Someone is defeated.  Nobody lost with this decision.  What I found so gratifying is that the community that I help to lead and love so dearly, chose welcome and risk over comfort and complacency.   We were happy and satisfied just the way we were… we have just come off of our first balanced budget… we were showing growth.  Whenever you decide to begin a new ministry or clarify/specify your identity you risk upsetting the status quo.   We decided to risk upsetting the status quo… just like Jesus.  We decided that welcoming others was more important that our comfort and satisfaction.  That’s why I cried..  For the moment of the vote, at least, we got it.

   (by the way, we continue to get it...)

So, why did it take SO long?  

Two years is a long time to do what it right.   We could have met the requirements and followed the guidelines presented by Affirm United in a few short months. 

I have friends who feel that the United Church of Canada should simply legislate “Affirming Ministries” and make our churches comply, after all it is a matter of Justice and the right thing to do. 

I sympathize.
However, I also recognize that it is challenging for many people in the majority community.  And we bear some responsibility for that… and to them.  For centuries (even millennia) we have spoken with authority and told people that homosexuality is offensive to God.  We have endorsed a heterosexual culture as the only one acceptable to God, without any regard for those who are homosexual, bisexual, asexual  or transsexual.   We have endorsed a literal prescriptive reading of the Bible that has not encouraged engagement with the text, challenging of ideas or faithful struggling with context and interpretation.  We have often provided, or left unchallenged, a very lazy faith that sees the Bible as a dictionary that provides simple definitions of right, wrong; in and out.

That wasn't some other church doing that… that was our church.  The one that has existed for 2000 years and continues to struggle in its witness to God’s Love and the Ministry of Jesus Christ.   We shared in the abuses as well as the fruits of that church and we can't just turn our backs and say "Not Us".  

We have failed to stand up when others were marginalized or when privilege was protected instead of challenged in our faith communities.   And so, when members of our community are baffled by these “new” insights, we owe them some patience, time and compassion as they discover for themselves, the grace and love that we have found.

I’m not saying that Justice should be delayed… but as the church moves toward justice, it need to give people ample opportunity to catch up and share in the ministry.

And that’s why we took 2 years. 

That, and that fact that I misread a couple of the requirements set forth by Affirm United, but we can talk about that another day. 

For now, allow us to celebrate the moment… and help us to imagine how we are going to live out this ministry in our community as the future unfolds.

In closing allow me to share with you this picture of a great many of our congregation - dressed as a rainbow - on the day that we become officially Affirming. 

And, allow me to recommend the wonderful people, and resources at Affirm United

http://www.affirmunited.ca/