I believe in Prayer

I haven’t blogged in a very long time.

  and I'm going to be hackneyed and awkward today... blame on lazy blog muscles. 

I was silent during the Canadian Federal Election, because I was reminded by the government of the day that I was not allowed to be publicly partisan as a “minister”,  lest my church’s Charitable Status be in question.  As my blog is linked to my church Website and Facebook Page and because I agree that in my role as pastor/minister/priest there is no place for political partisanship,  I stopped writing.

Then, it seems that I forgot how to write.

Then, there just seemed to be too much about which I could write.

And I was crazy busy.

BUT then, the anti-prayer backlash became a thing.

After the horrific shootings in San Bernadino California yesterday, public figures who offered prayers were criticized for the weakness of their response.  It was suggested that Prayer is an easy way out.   I agree that many people say “I’m praying for…” as a way of doing something when they are unable or uninclined to do anything else… and I do feel strongly that water is the best response to a thirsty person, even before prayer.   But I also think that people have the wrong idea of prayer.   (practitioners and critics alike).

We’ve all heard stories of the power of prayer, people who have prayed  and seeming “miracles” have ensued; but we also know of lots of people who have prayed and “nothing” happened.   Prayers have not been answered  and please don’t tell me the “but the answer was ‘No’” story... ‘cause I pray for peace every day and I find it hard to imagine that God is saying “No” and millions of others every day.

The thing about prayer, is that I’m not exactly sure that it’s a conscious decision.

Most of us recognize hat prayer that comes out in desperation… even before we know it;  without our thinking…

“O God, no!”

“Please, please… God”

Even those who don’t believe in prayer… those who are non-theist, atheist, post theist… “beyond all of this”-ist… modern, right thinking rational people…  In a desperate moment, it comes out.

I talked to a modern non-theist, non-religious friend recently.  She told me that she stood in the shower early on a Saturday morning, after a night of hearing about the violence in Paris (a place that she loves to visit) and she found herself talking quietly to herself in the shower, asking for peace and comfort for everyone in Paris;  an end to the violence and that people would be okay… that a better day would come… 

I asked her why she did it… she said, “I didn’t know what else to do…”

I asked gently, “were you talking to yourself…?”

“No… I don’t think so… maybe… no”

My friend is not much different than most of us.  We’re modern, intelligent people and we’re pretty sure that we’re not talking to ourselves… but… but…

As we talked further we agreed that there is something special about those quiet conversations,  those hopes or fears that we speak in the shower, in the silence of our minds, or in the intimacy of church.  Those words have meaning and we do it because deep down we know that they matter.  It’s just that we don’t know how to describe it… we lack the vocabulary… and we don’t want to seem like idiots.   So, we don’t talk about it.

But we do it.

Most are very clear that we don’t  believe in a Cosmic Concierge, who gets us what we ask for because we’re on the team… or we asked the right way… or so often, or with so many people that we win him over to our wishes.  I think many of us are afraid to talk about prayer because we don’t want to endorse a partisan, petty god who works for us and not for others; who smiles upon Hannah, but doesn’t seem to care about Abigail.   We don’t believe in a god who allows us to abdicate responsibility by simply handing it over in prayer.

So let me say this:  I  still believe in prayer.  

I believe that it matters and that it makes a difference.   I learned about prayer from my parents:  As a little boy saying grace before dinner and prayers before bed, I told God what I had done that day and asked God to take of the people that I knew and loved.   In Sunday School and in Church the tradition continued.  Years later, experiencing the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous with a someone with whom I felt connected, I experienced prayer in a very real way. I met people, became dear friends with people who prayed like drunks in church  (a fine tradition if 1 Samuel 1:1ff is any evidence).  These people prayed for a new way of living, prayed out of their torment, prayed out of need… prayed like their lives depended on it… also prayed without abdicating responsibility, but recognizing the limits of their own power.    I’ve seen prayer work, but it works in on-going relationship. 

At the risk of repeating myself, I don’t endorse a theology of the Cosmic Concierge who waits for me to ask politely before doing my bidding.   I do endorse a living God who dwells within me and throughout all of creation.   And in relationship with that living God, I find strength that I never thought I could have, I find peace that comes with the knowledge that it’s NOT all about me.  

  

When you read about prayer in most of the Abrahamic Scripture, there always seems to be a bit of negotiation. “   If you do this for me, I will do something for you”  “We will be your people, if you will be our God like this….” 

Again, that’s the problem for some people.  It makes God a petty despot who needs to be assuaged, cajoled or flat out “bought”.   And yet.. I’m not sure that it’s God as much as it is us.  Surely you recognize the familiar prayer:  God, if I get through this, I promise that I’ll never do it again!

God, if I could just win that lottery, 

get that raise, 

find that job, 

have this thing that I want to so much… 

I promise that I’ll give some of the money to charity; 

I’ll go to church more often; 

I’ll be nice to my neighbour.

What I hear in these ‘negotiations” is not the buying and selling of favour, but relationship.  Give and take.  Conversation.  Real sincere prayer, for me, is about relationship and so there needs to be an honest conversation.   This is who I am God…  I’m not great.. parts of me are pretty fair, but other parts… well, you know.. we talk to God sincerely; we get rid of the artifice and falsity and speak the truth.

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When I pray – I joke with God (seriously, I do) because that’s who I am and somehow in the absurdity of humour, I feel authentic…  God, remember that I’m the guy who still prays for the Leafs, like it might make a difference, so you know that I am hopeful… please help me raise money for Refugees and those who are so vulnerable that my efforts might actually save their lives…

I’m in real relationship with God, so there’s no point in my trying to sound like the Pope or Richard Burton or Taylor Swift. (now, that would be a dinner party).

And being me, I pray for my children and my wife… and my sports teams… and for Paris, Beirut, Syria, San Bernadino...  not necessarily in that order, or under the impression that my children are more important than your children or that my wife is of greater value than a woman in the Sudan or that San Bernadino is the only place visited by violence and traged..  but because that’s who I am right now.. I am those worries and those pains.

And in the midst of such concerns, I also give thanks.  Because, I had a great afternoon yesterday, and  if we’re in a relationship you should know that.

And I listen.  

Because it’s a relationship.

I listen to the Cosmos Intoning… I listen to that still quiet voice within… and it provokes me, beckons me, invites me into new ways… new insights… I can feel my pettiness and fears lifted up into the light and I let them go… I face my cowardice and dare to try… I experience my humanity and recognizing the mystical humanity and divinity of Jesus, I am assured that God and I are not separate;  we are together.. in relationship… I am not alone.  I also find that prayer takes me deeper - if I give a thirsty person a glass of water, I will quench that immediate thirst - good for me! But if I also take the time to pray, I might also find myself engaged in that person's other needs; I might find that I need to consider justice and why it is that the person in front of me has no water... In this situation prayer does not make it easy for me, it makes it harder because it invites me into deeper relationship with this person as I recognize that we are connected through God with whom I am in deepest relationship. 

Prayer is relationship for me - not request, not abdication or passing the buck. 

In a relationship, I am influenced by the other.  

I am who I am because of my wife… and my children… and my friends…   and I am influenced by God.   I don’t do everything that my wife asks of me (I should); I am not at my children’s beck and call – but I love them, ache for them, hope for them and let them into my life;  I do not do everything that my friends hope that  I will do, but I hear their concerns and your worries, I smile at their joys and rush to their side in times of grief and pain… because we are in relationship.  Similarly, I listen to God… often, I follow bravely, sometimes I drag my feet… Occasionally, I pretend  that I didn’t hear.  All of these relationships make me who I am.

But relationships are two way and so just as I am influenced by God, so is God influenced by me… and others.  God does not do everything that I ask.. God is not solely at my beck and call… but God loves me, aches for me, hopes for me and invites me into God’s life.  God doesn’t do everything that I ask; God sometimes disappoints… but God hears my concerns and worries, smiles at my joys and rushes to my side in times of grief or pain. And it's not just me... it is all of us.   We are all in relationship.  And so, we know that God is influenced by us.  As a Christian I am assured because in Jesus we are promised the permanency of such a relationship – Jesus is both Human and Divine.. now and forever.   God and us, we are in relationship and that cannot be changed.

So, for me, prayer works.  But mostly because it affirms a relationship that makes me more daring and more loving and never lets me abdicate my responsibility as a human being to all of creation... and like any good relationship, it is anything but "easy". 

Prayer and Spiritual Spooning

Someone asked me recently, if I prayed.

Now, I’m careful about such questions.  I’m cautious…   I’ll tell you what teams I cheer for, what foods I like, who I think is hot (always, and only, my wife).  I’ll tell you about the pedicure I got last week, the experience of my last colonoscopy and I’ll even give you the PIN for my bankcard, before I’ll talk about prayer  (Which is weird because I’m a Minister and it’s kinda in the job description)

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But as well as being a Minister, I’m also a people pleaser  (many people think I could work harder at this..).  Deep down, I like to make people happy and I hate to disappoint.  I hate to let the earnest believers down when I won’t affirm their belief in a Celestial Concierge to whom I appeal for information, recommendations, reservations, transportation, entertainment and polite solutions to all of my problems.   I also hate to disappoint my “oh so progressive” friends who want me to divorce myself from anything “supernatural” and confirm that prayer is just a kind of self-help meditation practice in which I enable myself to be lovable, capable and gosh-darn amazing.

Answering questions about my personal prayer life, can only lead to disappointment… so, I often change the subject:

"Prayer… that sounds like hair… I love musicals, do you love musicals? I went to London once and saw lots of musicals and I ate a bug…"

Undaunted, the Master of my Inquisition persisted:  “Do you pray?”

“Yes” 

“Do you pray often?”
“Yes” (that’s me, always taciturn).

“Regularly?”
“Yes… I’m a big fan of spiritual bran”  (that sounds more like me)

“Come on… tell me more… how do you pray?”

“I pray Girly in the morning.”

“What?”

“I pray Girly in the morning.”

“If you’re not going to take this seriously, than forget it…”

Mission accomplished… he stormed off and I left the Men’s shower at the gym (people do seem to find the strangest places to start conversation).

However, this time, I actually was ready to explain.. I finally knew how to answer the question.  In fact, I kind of wanted to answer… but I thought that my running naked after him calling out “Wait, wait… I know how to do it now..” would have seemed awkward.  

So, I will instead, blog my reply.

I pray Girly in the morning.

I do pray every morning… heck, I pray all throughout the day… but I make a point of quieting the world down and praying in the morning.  Sometimes at 6am; sometimes at 11:30… but always Girly.   Which has nothing to do with what I wear when I’m praying… and everything to do with my attitude to prayer.

Now, I should warn you that I am about to venture into some serious engagement with cultural stereo-types, which might be offensive to some (feel free at this point to switch over to a Youtube video of a cat riding on Roomba).  I am inspired by Meister Eckhart, Julian of Norwich and David Steinberg when it comes to prayer, but for the authority that comes from cultural stereo-types, I rely heavily on the film canon of Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan (the Holy Trinity of chick flicks).  Pouring over the canon, here is what I’ve learned:

Women and men are different.

Men like to do things and get things done…. Often with duct tape.

Women like to talk… communicate… cuddle…  (almost never with duct tape)

Men are in a hurry.

Women are patient.

Men are motivated by reward.

Women are motivated by relationship.

Men, when they listen to women, like to go and fix things.  (again, often with duct tape)

Women just want to be heard…

Women like to cuddle....

Women like Johnny Depp.  (but hey, who doesn't?)

When I pray, I believe that something profound happens.  I believe that my prayers matter.  I believe that the world changes and I change in and as a result of prayer.   But I pray to God…. The Divine… the Holy (and wholly) Other…  as if I was a big girl.  I’m not motivated by reward or fixated on results; my desire is communication and relationship.    My prayers to God are meant to enhance our relationship; to open us further to one another.  In response to my prayers, I’m not expecting God to do my bidding or to rush out and fix things for me… I just want God to listen to me.   I just want to share who I am and be accepted for my experiences, thoughts and feelings and be loved just as I am.  I guess, I’m looking for a little Spiritual Cuddling.

In that cuddle; in that acceptance, I am strengthened… and my awareness is heightened.  As God and I become closer, I am more aware of the Presence of the Divine in the world around me, more attuned to the voice that invites me into beauty, greater depth, deeper joy, varied connection and real wholeness.   Prayer is a place for us (me and God) to enhance and enable a relationship.

I pray about my friends who are suffering, not because my expectation is that God will send an angel and end Aunt Edna’s woes, but because if God is going to know me then God needs to know that I’m awake nights worrying about my beloved Aunt.  I need God to spiritually spoon with me and say “I know…. I know…”  If Edna is on the receiving end of some kind of miraculous gift, then I’m going to be very happy… but regardless of what happens in the next couple of days as a result of prayer, I will at least be more aware of God’s presence in her life and in our relationship… and so, might be able to point to something comforting or inspiring... I might have an observation or insight that has value to Edna, because prayer has opened my eyes and my heart to the Divine.

There was a time that I prayed like a man… or a boy, anyway:  Asking for help and judging God’s love and my worth by the evidence of my will being done.  But then, the Toronto Maple Leafs stopped winning Stanley Cups and I had to wonder.  I came to a crossroads where I would have to give up cheering for the Leafs or give up believing in God (surely, I was good enough to warrant a reward… especially in the 1970s.  The other choice was that I would have to come to a new understanding of prayer.   And so, not ready to give up on God or the Buds, I reconsidered prayer. 

And I found Girly prayer. 

Prayer that asks God to hold me and never let me go… Prayer that tells God about my day, my hopes and my fears without the expectation that God is going to fix everything or take over my life… Prayer that invites and enhances relationship: relationship that invites both parties to grow… Prayer that brings me a deeper appreciation of God’s presence all around me and invites me to be part of that life…  And as I become a part of God's life, I begin to change the world...  Quite satisfying and remarkable, actually. 

Now, if I can just figure out how to get the duct tape in, I’ll have it all.