Please, Pray for your Pastor. Or Don't.

So, I got one of those messages on Social Media the other day… they come around from time to time:  Pray for Your Pastor.

And then it goes on to list some terrible statistics (without attribution).

97% of pastors have been betrayed, falsely accused or hurt by their friends

70% of pastors battle depression

7,000 churches close each year

1,500 pastors quit each month

10% will retire a pastor

80% of pastors feel discouraged

94% of pastor’s families feel the pressure of  ministry

78%  of pastor’s have no close friends

90% of pastors report working 55-75 hours per week.

And so apparently, we need your prayers.

Let me begin by commenting on how much I am bothered by statistics without attribution.  Was this survey done in 2014 or 1345? How large was the sample?  Was it across Denominations or were only the leaders of the Latvian Orthodox Church included?  But enough of that... let's assume that the numbers reflect a reality for many pastors/leaders in the mainline churches of North America

Let me also say that there are pastors, ministers, priest and other clergy who have been badly treated by systems that often seem un-caring, congregations that are fickle, and some generally rotten people out there in the world.   

But to claim a special burden because we are pastors only serves to exacerbate the problem of clergy isolation as it encourages us to believe that the world is out to get us.

Look at the numbers closely and wonder how many of  those same numbers might also apply to teachers… betrayed, depressed, under pressure, working 55 hours a week or more… given a degree but no job, made redundant every year because cut backs don’t allow more hiring, shown little respect by the public and targets of the hostility of many a parent who just doesn't understand  that their kid is nasty and not that bright.

Let’s wonder about accountants who get called at home by clients who need answers, audits and forms done right now!!  Never mind dealing with an uncaring CRA that changes rules and regulations at whim.

Nurses who face cuts backs, depression, long hours and unsympathetic work places.

Retail workers whose place of employment folds without warning.  

I have friends with PhDs who can’t get full time appropriately remunerated work – I’ll bet that  leads to discouragement, depression, pressure on the family and makes it hard to keep close friends.

Let’s take almost any profession… and  recognize that there is very little job security in 2015.  Very few people will retire in the job that they started in their thirties; very few people will avoid “betrayal” in life or work; everybody feels discouraged from time to time and the families of nearly all working adults feel the pressure of the work/career of the parent or spouse.

No close friends?  Is that really the churches fault?  Maybe the problem is that you’re working 75 hours a week… Don’t!

You see many of us, in a desire to be everything to everybody; to feel valued and loved ,will bend over backwards to please everybody in our ministry… and that is a formula for burn-out and self-destruction, whether you are in ministry or shoe sales; a cleric or an office worker.  At least pastors get to talk about setting boundaries, even if they don't or find it difficult to apply them. 

Let me suggest a few other things peculiar to pastors that others might wish they could include in their work/call/vocation/contract

1.       People line up every week to tell you what a good job you did – even if you didn’t.

2.      When someone dies, you know what to do… you actually have a role to play while others are stuck in their grief with nothing to do

3.      You get invited to a lot of wedding receptions: Free Food and Bar!

4.      You are invited into fascinating conversations on a regular basis and don’t have continually comment on the performance of the Blue Jays or new season of House of Cards

5.      You can take a break to play the piano during the work day and people respect  that you are being creative.

6.      During the work week you get to help the homeless, visit the sick, support young people and engage in Social Justice… while everybody else has to do those things in whatever time they can spare away from work and family obligations.

7.      People think that you work about 75 hours a week so usually leave you alone the weeks before and after Easter and Christmas (that’s almost a whole month).

8.      You get 7 weeks away from work every year and your employer pays for it.

9.      The church pays your phone bill.

10.   As you remind others, you are reminded daily that God is with you and that you are not in any of this alone.

11.  Every week your efforts are made real in music, word and art.  For me, that sure beats selling cars.

12.  Pension.  Yeah… we may complain about it – but we get one… I know millions who wish that they did, too.

For me, all in all, being a pastor is a pretty good deal.   It is hard at times and I suspect that most people couldn't do what I do on a full time basis – but I knew that when I responded to my sense of call.  I knew that my weekends would be forever ruined, I would not often get to go away to the cottage spontaneously; I knew that I would often see people at their worst and not be protected from pettiness and power mongering; I knew that strangers would occasionally blame me for God and all of the church’s failings; I knew that I would spend a great deal of time with people who are dying and/or grieving;  and I knew that I would change jobs half a dozen times before I got my pension  (apparently the generation just entering the work force now can expect to have no fewer than 15 jobs before they retire… in keeping with the inspiration for this post, I will offer NO attribution.)

I’m not saying that pastors don’t have a right to complain, many of them do, but insecurity, difficulty and struggle are not unique features to the pastors role… they are the realities for many (even most) people.  

So, please, pray for you pastor…

and your  Check Out Clerk

Store Manager

Assistant Manager

Officer Worker

Restaurant server

Teacher

Principal

Mechanic

Nurse

Paramedic

Police officer

Firefighter

Accountant

Retailer

Small business owner

IBM Project Manager

Musician

Actor

GM Worker

Social worker

Politician

Aesthetician

Butter and Egg man  (there’s a profession that’s disappearing)

You get the picture:  Pray for us all. 

I'm Praying for Rob Ford

Things that I think about when I’m doing something else…

Well, I've been doing a lot of something else in the past two weeks (hence the lack of posts) – away in Nashville for a week (you can probably see my accent in my words)  - rushing about getting funerals done, weddings planned and just the usual trying to keep my head above water.

This morning I received a call at the church.  A woman who has not been a member in many years, but used to be.   She called and gave me her bona-fides (in church life that’s usually the names of old friends who are now dead or how great it was when people were forced to go to church)   and then she asked me what I thought about Rob Ford.

I said, “Who?”

  (it was worth a try)

"Well, I was thinking about coming to church and I want to know what you think about Rob Ford."

It was hard to figure out what she wanted to hear… being a minister, I try only to tell people what they want to hear.  Much like Jesus, I’m all for going along to getting along and saying whatever is required to bring out the big bucks.  (wait, that's not Jesus… that’s a hooker).

As I was about to answer, she solved my dilemma by jumping right in:  "I think that it’s terrible what they are doing to him.  It’s bullying pure and simple, they are embarrassing him publicly and there’s no proof of anything and they even made the Catholic School Board fire him as a coach!"

“Well, Ma’m,” I said (still got that Nashville thing going)… “I agree that he’s not being well treated, but I think that he’s had a lot to do with his creating this environment”

I then went through a few points:  

    (numbered hear for easy reference when I'm in court defending against libel and slander)

1. When being sworn in as Mayor he invited Don Cherry to speak and Don made sure to make all of us left wing pinko bike riders feel like losers, as our new Mayor smiled and laughed.   He didn't take my lunch money, but the Mayor and his friend sure did push my bike to the ground and laugh at me.

2. Our Mayor and his brother regularly excoriate their political opponents on their public radio show on Sunday afternoons. Even threatening to “out” those who vote against the Mayor on City Council.  That sure sounds like bullying.

3. In the first year of Mr. Ford's Mayoralty, I was constantly hearing about “Ford Nation” and how I would oppose this juggernaut at my own peril.  Sure felt like bullying to me.

4. The on-going battle with the Toronto Star is embarrassing for all involved, but it was our Mayor who refused to speak with any journalists representing the city’s biggest newspaper, before this all become a dissonant opera. 

5. I’m not so sure that “They” forced the Catholic School Board to do anything.  If the TDCSB could be so easily forced, they’d have a float in next month’s Pride Parade.  As I watched this story unfold over the past few months, it seems to me that Board thanked Mr. Ford for his support in the past, but desired to end the relationship after his voluntary Sun media interview in which he referred to the youth at the school as gang-bangers and the neighborhood as "at risk" – the operating narrative has been that Rob Ford has been this school’s savior.  A great many teachers, parents and a principal who arrived in recent years, take issue with his depiction of the students and neighbourhood and are somewhat disenfranchised with his taking sole credit for the positive changes at the school.

All of that said…  I also told my phone friend that we prayed for our Mayor, Rob Ford, on Sunday at Jubilee.  We prayed because we know that he’s hurting.   If there is no video, it must hurt terribly to be so persecuted and slandered.  If there is a video, something must hurt terribly that crack cocaine is a relief or worth “trying”.   We prayed for our Mayor because friends need friends to step up from time time; we prayed for Rob Ford because Jesus said that we should pray for our enemies.  We prayed for an end to this painful, tragic circus… and I’ll bet that Rob makes that same prayer every day as he tries to fall asleep and every morning when we awakens and realizes that the nightmare is real.

Remember when that bully in grade school picked on you?  How much you hated what she said about you, or how he laughed at your attempts to fit in…. or those brown oxfords kicking into your ribs again and again while you tried to cover yourself from his blows and maintain some dignity… (that might be my special memory).  These were the people that we hoped and prayed would get their comeuppance -  we imagined someone coming along who was bigger and kinder and would pound them into the ground; some of us sent away to Charles Atlas to learn how to build our bodies up so that we could be bigger and kinder and pound our tormentor into the ground…  

And then one day it happened:

Someone bigger came along and the bully was vanquished…. Humiliated… his or her tears were sweet water to the garden of your self-esteem.   

Right?

Or was it all rather hollow and meaningless?

I won’t pretend that I don’t smile when a bully gets knocked down.  I do… but I also remember the incredible lack of "nothing" when my childhood bullies were put in their place.  There was no real change at school... my arms were still skinny; my skin very pale; and my jokes way too hip for the room.  Pretty soon another Bully came along. 

The one time that I beat up a Bully, I remember how foolishly futile it all felt.  I kept punching and he kept falling... but he wouldn't stay down!  He'd get back up, sneer... and I'd punch him down again.  It was as if he didn't seem to understand that I'd won... and it was his job to go away.  That's the problem with the Bully Game it never seems to end. 

I do believe that our Mayor, Rob Ford, has been instrumental in creating an environment and context for bullying.  He has lead by example and the chickens have come home to roost… and there is a small part of me that smiles every time I see the brown oxford shoes of media scrutiny kick him in the ribs… but I also know from experience that the joy is hollow and the victory produces nothing of value… it defeats the opponent, but never changes the game.    I need another game... a better game.

So, I’m praying for Rob Ford – that he find peace, wholeness and opportunity... if only the opportunity to leave (with or without dignity).  I'm praying for Rob Ford because I don't know what else to do.  I'm praying for Rob Ford 'cause Jesus told me to, and his ideas tend to be good ones.

But, I'm also praying for a better game... this one sucks.