After Pulse... I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this.

At least 50 dead and another 50 injured by what is being called an act of domestic terrorism.  Over 100 members of the LGBTQ community targeted and executed by a man who may or may not have had a political or militant agenda.  I don’t know all the facts; I suspect that it will be some time before any of us do.  We will do a fair bit of posturing, pontificating and distancing.  Each of us doing our best to convince others and ourselves that we had  nothing to do with this.

But for me, it won’t work.

I have everything to do with this.

I have no sympathy for Isis or Daesh; I have no cultural, religious or political zealotry that makes me target the LGBTQ communities.

I don’t think that I exhibit or am influenced significantly by homophobia.

I would love to make this shooter out to be a crazed man bent on terror, because than I can distance myself from this crazed killer, pretend that I had nothing to do with this and so, do nothing in response. 

But I am part of this. 

I am part of this because I have let my brothers and sisters worry about themselves; take care of their own problems.  I have walked and celebrated in Pride parades, signed some petitions and worked to make my church an Affirming Ministry – but I’ve done those things for you and not for myself.   Strange, but until I do these things for selfish reasons, I suspect that I am part of the problem.  As I support my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community because I like them… love them… wish them well… I continue to marginalize them as community while I remain situated in the larger, normalizing, privileged community into which I was raised.  My love is an act of charity, not solidarity.

What happened in Florida at the Pulse Nightclub shouldn’t have happened to the LGBTQ community, it should have happened to me… but that’s not how I read the story when I first saw it.  I read about this terrible thing that happened to the LGBTQ community… not to me.  I was sad for them... but not for myself.  And that realization broke upon me like a wave.  

It's my thinking of you as "them" that helps to make you a target... you're not the "norm"; you're not "me", you are "them".   Like Jews, Gypsies, Serbians, Tutsis and so many other people that are NOT in the majority and therefore able to be separated out and targeted.  As long as we're not attacking the majority, we can wring our hands and declare how terrible it all is... but it's not our problem. 

As a Christian, I believe that the Divine became flesh to live in our midst and show us that the Divine/Human separaton is an artificial construct... and so is, "Us" and "Them".  There is only "Us" My faith also assures me that nobody can go to the cross alone.. we are all there.

I am sorry.

I am not asking for your forgiveness... this isn't about my being forgiven or excused for the past. This is about how I intend to go forward.  I will not let people do this to me... I will not let people hurt me like this and pretend that it will get better. 

To my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ communities… I love our diversity, uniqueness and different ways of being human  - but I am also sorry that I have ever allowed

 you to be “them” in my heart or my life.  You are not "them" - You are me… what happens to you, happens to me.  Those bodies that were taken out the Pulse nightclub were members of my family… they were me…. And I am sickened, hurt, devastated and outraged by what has been inflicted on my family; what has been  taken away from me… And I will not leave you to your grief.  We grieve together; we face this and change this together… Not because I have a solution or some special power that will fix this - but simply because we can’t afford to be “us” and “them” any longer: It's not working.   We are one and together let us be so strong, and so united that nobody would ever dare to target us again.

I do apologize for rambling... but what happened to me early this morning, has left me in pain... and I'm not myself today.   

No Sex Ed, please... we're from Ontario!

Just thinking off the top of my head… about a new sex education curriculum in Ontario.

7 points...  Which are not necessarily the views of my Church, my congregation or even the majority of my friends (although they might be).  Just me thinking with a keyboard in front of me...

1.      It is the duty of the opposition to “oppose” programs and policies put forth by the Government, so I have no problem with the Tories pushing back.  However, opposition should be free of personal attacks.  I will note that the most blatant bit of attack innuendo blew up in MPP McNaughton’s face.  McNaughton:  “it’s not the premier of Ontario’s job — especially Kathleen Wynne — to tell parents what is age-appropriate for their children.”  

Wynne: “What is it that especially disqualifies me for the job that I’m doing? Is it that I’m a woman? Is it that I’m a mother? Is it that I have a master’s of education? Is it that I was a school council chair? Is it that I was the minister of education?” Wynne said in the house, staring down the Tory MPP.

2.       Families should be consulted on changes in curriculum.  However, there is also a time for experts to weigh in and be respected for their expertise.   I have heard more than one person talk about the “Gay Agenda” and the power of suggestion that will make our children “choose” to be gay.  These people are not experts.  I refuse to believe in a “Gay Agenda” mostly because most of my friends in the LGBTQ community can’t agree on anything… from whom to vote for, to theology, public transportation and whether or not Neil Patrick Harris was a good or terrible Oscar Host.   

      And as for sexuality and expression of self, how is that we are still talking about choice?  You do not choose to be a Lesbian, you simply are… it might take time for you to authentically express yourself because of the pressure put on you to conform to a certain “norm” within the community (or family), but you don’t choose to be gay.  Personally, with my love of Musical Theatre, women’s shoes, Judy Garland and Cher, my long association with the Antique business and career in the United Church, do you think that I CHOSE to be heterosexual?   It is who I am, and no amount of "persuasion" is going to change that.  We are who we are… and it’s the people who can’t seem to grasp this reality that underlie the need for a new curriculum.   Maybe, if we were able to broaden or eliminate the definition of “Normal” we could save a lot of very good people a lot pain and suffering.

3.       I've heard it said that we shouldn't allow the State to be in charge of something so personal and important as Sex Education.  I agree completely – that’s why I have never supported prayer in school.  If it is important to you, then pray with your children, don’t leave it to Mr. Weatherby to provide spiritual guidance to your children over the school P.A. system.   If you don’t like the Ontario Sex Education curriculum, then opt out and do a better job at home – that is an option. Take it.

   

However, there are great many parents who do not have the time, the skill or the inclination to take up this task responsibly, so someone’s got to do it – as a matter of public health, at least.

4.       I've heard it said that Grade Three is too young an age to hear about homosexuality.  Really?  

      "But my friend Timmy has two Dads and Rachel has two Moms… and I think that Johnny’s Mom used to be a Dad…  "  

      Should we simply tell them not to worry their pretty little heads over such puzzles until they’re older?  

      

      And never mind the kids who come from Cisgendered Heterosexual parents, what about the kids who come from the variety of family constructs that include same sex couples… should we keep them away from show and tell, force them to make Father’s Day Cards from their Moms and just keep them quiet until they’re old enough to understand the songs of Cole Porter?   I assume that most children, by the time they are in Grade Three, have been exposed to television and probably the internet.  So, they are seeing Tide commercials with gay couples, television shows and characters that present different expressions of family and sexuality, they are meeting transgendered people in the world around them and through media; they might even have a transgendered minister!  We are already trying to explain to little Tiffany why “Anaconda” is not a good choice for the grade three talent show and why Daddy thinks that “Blurred Lines” is a terrible song.  This new curriculum isn't trying to shape the world, it is trying to keep up and prepare our children to live in it happily and responsibly.

5.       This fall, the majority of university under-grad admissions, will have been born in 1997.   

      Think about that for a moment… 1997.   

      Remember, just the other day when Farrah Fawcett was drunk on David Lettermen?  

      Or when Lady Di, died??  

      That was 1997.    

      Since then, same sex marriage (better known as “Equal Marriage”) has become law in Ontario and later, Canada… some believe that was the end of the battle and everything is fine now for Gays and Lesbians… but reported violence against gay and lesbian teens is higher now than it was in 1997; on line bullying of those who might identify themselves as belonging to the LGBTQ community is a horrible phenomenon that we didn't imagine in the pre-FaceBook world.   We need a curriculum that addresses the reality and needs of 2015, not one that still dwells in the late 1990s, even if that does seem like “just yesterday”.

6.       In the past couple of years, whether it’s students of dentistry or frosh-hazing University Seniors, we have seen myriad examples of our education system failing to effectively teach respect for others and for ourselves; we have failed to empower people to say “No” confidently and for others to hear “No” as a viable answer to a proffered question, not a rejection of a them as a whole person.  We will only overcome a "Rape" culture, if we can nurture a "Consent" culture, this curriculum at least recognizes the terms.    

      This curriculum is not perfect; it will not fix all of our woes, but if it educates just one person to the reality that being a lesbian is not a “choice”;  that there is no secret cabal of Gay people pushing an agenda on our society… if it provides on child a moment of relief when he realizes that he is not a freak for feeling the way that he does… if it invites any of our diverse community into a better relationship with an “other”… if it helps to create an environment where we can be who we are and be in respectful, joyful relationships with others…if it keeps one kid from "sexting" a friend...  then it is an improvement over the existing program and I am glad to embrace it.

7.       Finally… it is true that I no longer have children in the system that will be affected by this new curriculum – but I do live in community and those children who are in school today ARE my children: They are and will be my neighbours, my leaders and my care-givers as I get older – so, I have an important investment.

Oh… and for those who think that we should be teaching Math not Masturbation to teens... trust me, they've already made the decision and no curriculum is going to change that. 

Filled with Pride - but keeping my mouth shut (almost)

I do this with great trepidation.

What have I to say about World Pride?

I have a great many friends who are included, engage and active in the LGBTTTQQ2SA * community - I belong there as well, but I belong from a place of comfortable privilege.  Sometimes the best thing that one can do from a position of privilege is to "shut up".  Not that one doesn't have insight or opinion; not that privilege has blinded one to reality, but speaking from a place of privilege can simply clutter the air and suppress the voices that need to be heard. 

So, perhaps I should say nothing. 

I have never had my life; my very self, questioned, oppressed or excluded.  When hurtful words have been hurled at me, I have had the option and privilege of yelling back, "Am Not!" without feeling a stab of betrayal; a death of self.  I have no idea what it is like to be marginalized in the ways that my brothers and sisters have, as we grew up together yet apart.

So, maybe I should just shut up and let others speak.

If you're listening to me, you might be missing the man or woman who wants to dance and celebrate who he/she is, maybe for the first time publicly... or hold the hand of another without fear... or quietly know that there is nothing "wrong" with being who you are...

You might miss the expressions of love that are so profound that they leave you speechless... and not just romantic love, but love of life and being part of the glory of Creation... expressions that may not have occurred to you as you live your life authentically.  Look around and see the love - don't waste time listening to m, instead hear the stories of struggle, hope, triumph now and triumph yet to come... be engaged with all of humanity, especially those who have come to bring life and light to our city with the gift of World Pride.

Don't listen to me.

Instead, hounor the journey that our whole community has shared since the Gay Day Picnic at Hanlon's Point in 1971 - a journey of Human Rights that step by step has affirmed ALL People's rights to emigration and immigration (homosexual immigration was illegal in Canada until 1978); equal protection and equal benefit of the law (sexual orientation was not included in the Charter of Rights until 1986); freedom "within" religion (the United Church of Canada first allowed the Ordination of openly gay and lesbian ministers in 1986... many other Denominations and Faiths  are still challenged); the right to serve in the military (1992); the right to marry the person that you love (Ontario, 2003; Canada, 2005), the simple right to be respected and protected as you are (Charter of Rights amended 1996).  Realize that each of these steps has come as a result of great effort, love and sacrifice by many people - some know, most anonymous... honour the journey and mabye become part of the next step... 'cause we ain't done. 

If you're readying my blog or listening to me, you might miss out on the stories of celebration that come from this wide and diverse community.  The insights, wisdom, public policy, art, philosophy, music, humour, writing, intellect and love... that have been anything but self-serving but rather a gift to the whole world. 

For too long, people of privilege have recognized and then co-opted the voices of the marginalized - patting ourselves on the back for raising awareness, and completely unaware that we are pushing the marginalized away from the microphones, out of the spot lights and into the shadows.  Seriously, why would you want to hear me talk about Susan Gapka, Brent Hawkes, Kamal Al-Solaylee, Gary Paterson or a million others, when you can hear them for yourself?  They don't need need me to speak for them, they need me to shut up so that they can tell the stories; share the wisdom, insight and love authentically without notes. 

So... why am I writing this blog?

Because i was asked to...  challenged, actually.

(I am such a sucker for peer pressure... it's a wonder that I didn't smoke two packs of cigarettes a day and jump of bridges constantly when I was 10 -  I guess that no one double-dared me)

I am pretty sure that my challenger will find this blog lacking... but I will count on his grace and forgiveness. 

Why am I blogging?

Because of the Kingdom of God.

Because of the interconnectedness of all Creation. 

I know that Creation sounds very anti-science.  It's not.  However we have come to be, referring to "Creation" is a recognition that we are all connected; that we are continuing to evolve together into a more beautiful complex reality.  We are often evolving in spite of ourselves, kicking and screaming the whole way, but we are also often evolving joyously moving with and to the rhythm of all that surrounds us.... kind of like a great parade.

The Kingdom of God sounds very patriarchal; after all it is run by a King.  It sounds very Imperial and has been used as an excuse to topple one empire so that another could take its place, all in the name of God.  I believe that Jesus had something better in mind when he told us that the the Kingdom was a hand.  The Kingdom of God is present when we recognize each other lovingly, graciously and compassionately as brothers and sisters: One family.  The image was provided as a rebuke or alternative to the Kingdoms that fed only the rich and protected only the powerful, edifying class and privilege as the status quo. Jesus was inviting us to dream bigger and live beyond what the government of the day was offering:  A time when we are lovingly one.

So, with respect and a sense of responsibility to Creation and the Kingdom of God, I speak out on the occasion of World Pride 2014, not to hog the mic... but to add my voice in harmony to the songs being sung.  I speak up so that I am NOT withdrawing from the beauty and love that is being revealed all around me at World Pride, but participating.  I speak up in thanksgiving for our ever-evolving diversity (Creation continues, yeah!!), believing that it is always best to start with love and let the understanding grow from there.
I speak up simply to say "I love you, too" to whomsoever may be listening. 

Deep down, I think that all human beings simply want to "belong" - to community, to family, to God, to Creation... by speaking, I am saying that "you" belong and "we" belong together:  One amazing family. 

But enough from me... listen to my brothers and sisters.  I am proud of them all. 

*LGBTTQQ2SA  is an abbreviation used to represent a broad array of identities such as, but not limited to, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer, questioning, two-spirited, and allies.   It should also be noted that this year's Pride Parade will include Asexuals as well.