Life, the Universe, Rob Ford, Miley Cyrus, Ben Affleck, The Senate, CNE and Everything....

So, I haven’t been blogging much over the summer… somewhat busy. 

Riding my bike.  

Sitting in the backyard.  

Doing Nothing.

Writing old J.D. Salinger novels.

But before it’s all over, I realize that a number of things went by without my comment this summer and I really think that I should weigh in while we some of us can still remember what I’m talking about.

1.       The Wolverine.  Wow.  Just wanted to say that.

2.        Ben Affleck as Batman.  It’s a movie… relax.  Also, everybody hated the casting of an unknown Hugh Jackman as Wolverine 13 years ago….  Hugh Jackman as Peter Allen in the Boy from Oz…. Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean ( well, maybe that one…).   What about Denise Richards as a Rocket Scientist in The World is Not Enough ?     Relax about Ben, he’ll probably be wicked awesome.

3.       Rob Ford getting drunk at Taste of the Danforth.  As he and his brother pointed out, Rob is a private citizen who should be allowed to have a few beers at an event where everybody is having a few beers.  He wasn’t being the “Mayor”, he was just being Rob.     So, why was his staff running around looking for him and getting concerned that he wasn’t where they were supposed to meet?  Doesn’t bringing along City Hall staff change Rob in “The Mayor”??  (soon to be played in a major motion picture by Ben Affleck)

4.       Food Poisoning at the EX.  Wow! Didn’t see that coming.  The CNE has always seemed so clean and sanitary… Surprised that they cancelled the Midway Surgery demonstration.   If I believed in a Coercive Interventionist God, I would suggest that God poisoned 130 people to save the rest of us.   But I don’t… and I’m not.

5.       Blurred Lines – Robin Thicke’s song of the summer!  I think that it’s kinda “rape-y” and the lines are NOT really that blurred.  I’ve managed to get through my whole 51 years without once wondering if I might be raping somebody… and I’m no genius.   It’s like the poster says:  If you want to have sex with somebody, set them free… if they come back, they probably want to, too.  If not… they never did.   (I think that's the wording... I mostly remember the butterfly)

6.       The Senate.  To be clear, neither Mike Duffy nor Pamela Wallin have ever lived at my house – no matter their expenses may say.    As for reform?  Pay should be based on performance.  Days you show up to work, are days you get paid.  Otherwise, forget it.   AND you have to wear a uniform like they do a McDonalds, so that we can see them coming… and they can be reminded that they are in the “Service” industry.

7.       Syria.  There is something wrong with the world with Vladimir Putin sounds like the sanest guy in the room.   I clearly don’t know enough.

8.       Miley Cyrus.  Miley Cyrus.  Oh my….  First, not a fan of the song "We Can't Stop" don’t particularly like Robin Thicke or Blurred lines either. I've never Twerked  (well, okay once, but it was totally in context... at church)  Not crazy about “nude” bikinis – on Miley, anyway..  (Which is good because it would be kinda creepy if I did).  She also sang flat - I mean, really flat.  The kind of flat that is not good.  As for the rest of the performance, I did find something racially off-putting about it all.  I’m not talking about simple cultural appropriation… I mean, I play Jazz and nobody comes up and tells me that I shouldn't because it’s not my culture.  However, when I do play, I don’t dress like Miles Davis and surround myself by exclusively black musicians and slap their asses.  Something seemed very off for me… but I also remember the Police being accused of ruining Reggae by stealing from Jamaican musicians and whitening it up… I remember the bad press around  Paul Simon’s Graceland album… So, I guess that I'm not really sure what to think - I just found it off putting.  But Art is often meant to be off-putting.  And Artists put themselves out there to be criticized, so....   I will note that  I’m not sure what we would be saying if Miley were a 35 year old man (like Sting, Simon, et. al. back in the day).  

But, let’s let her be a 20 year old girl for the moment.   Last week, I was looking through an old High School yearbook (as I like to do every Friday... tearfully).  I was reading my Graduating Year Book and a page fell out.  It was a page that I had cut out of the book back in grade 13, but a page that I didn't want to lose… a page that I didn’t want to share with anyone....   a page that had been signed by a girl.   On my expurgated page this girl of 18 or 19 (almost Miley’s age) wrote the dirtiest, most flirtatious 4 paragraphs of purple prose I have ever read.  It spoke of things beyond both our kens; promised things that would never be delivered… and had it  been published would have outsold “50 Shades of Grey”  (a fair comparison because, let’s be honest, there are only about 4 paragraphs of real writing in the whole book).    With the wisdom that age and experience brings, I recognize that my “friend” was experimenting with her new-found sexuality.  She was discovering herself as a sexual and sexualized being… she was wondering out loud (or in print) about what gave her pleasure and joy; she was discovering the currency of her attentions… she was trying some crazy ideas out on the page.  If it were possible to sit down with her today and read that passage, I imagine that we would both blush, laugh awkwardly and move on…

I would recommend the same thing for Miley’s performance.

I would also note that neither Miley Cyrus or Robin Thicke are individuals – they are corporations.  Lots of people advise and take part in decision making… and I’m pretty sure that MTV didn't say to either of them, “Here’s the stage for 10 minutes… just do what you want”.  There are lots of anonymous faces who were part of the fiasco that dominated Youtube and Twitter for the better part of a week…. Funny, how we don’t heap our scorn upon them.  Oh, and wait for it, Miley and Justin Bieber will soon be releasing a new song about "Twerking"... so, we can look forward to more (this time with Added Bieber!!)

 

That’s enough of that… thanks for letting me get all of that off my chest.  My wife thanks you as well, because she will no longer have to listen me pontificate and drone on about these subjects as we shop for groceries. 

  ( btw, great name for a law firm:  

Pontificate and Drone, Attorneys at Law)