Not again... please, never again.

So, Norm – nothing to say about Sammy Yatim?

Lots to say about Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman, but how come no word on the police gunning down a teenager armed only with a 3 inch blade knife?

That’s one of the emails that I’ve received in the past day or so.

Allow me to answer and the other similar notes…

I haven’t responded thus far because:

1.      This just happened; it’s not the conclusion of lengthy trial in which evidence has been presented and examined.

2.      I am still in shock… painful, heart-numbing shock… and I don’t know what to say.

18 year olds are not supposed to die.

Not like that… really, not at all.

Like many people, I have watched the video of the shooting and I think that I know the following:

Sammy Yatim was on a streetcar armed with a knife about the size of kitchen paring knife.

(I note that knives can be sharp and dangerous at any length.)

There were several police officers on the scene.

Sammy was uncooperative.

Several shots were fired.

Sammy appears to have been tasered after being shot.

He died as a result of his wounds.

He was 18 years old

That’s all that I think I know.

I find it hard to imagine how an investigation will add insight to what I have witnessed…  but maybe there is evidence yet to be revealed that will need to be considered as we try to find justice.  Regardless of what we find, I am hoping that we don’t make a scapegoat out of one or more police officers.  

Why not??  They shot him even though they were in no imminent danger; an officer tasered him after he had been shot!!

I know… and, as I said above, I can’t imagine any mitigating factors that would make such actions excusable.  However, I don’t want to be able to pin this on a bad guy or a couple of bad guys, file it and walk away.

It’s too tragic and too important an event to treat simply and solve by blaming somebody.

When we blame somebody, we allow ourselves off the hook.  We can talk about a couple of bad police officers instead of looking at how we encounter and confront anti-social behaviour.  We can talk about angry youth instead of talking about mental health.  We can campaign for more cops; less cops… and not wonder about spending more money on mental health initiatives and support for people battling depression, bipolar disease; we don’t to spend more money on helping Autistic men and women engage fully and safely in society.

I’m not saying that Sammy Yatin is autistic.  I have no idea.

I’m not saying that Sammy was suffering from mental illness – again, I don’t know enough and I’m not a diagnostician… but I’m pretty sure that had our police (and they are ours) been better equipped to handle people presenting with behaviours associated with mental health issues; had we stricter protocols in place for dealing with those outside the “norm” they may have been able to find an alternative to shooting and killing an 18 year old.

I hurt for Sammy’s family. I mourn with them.

I also hurt for my friends who watched that video and thought, “That could have been my child…”  Because I have several friends who fit into that group.

I never met Sammy Yatin, but boy, was he familiar.

I have met several young men and women struggling  with depression and mental health issues; young men who are fine one minute and the next are aggressive, suicidal, belligerent or just plain uncooperative.  I don’t want to see another one shot.

I have friends who are autistic – fine people who bring insight, joy and friendship to my life, but from time to time present behaviours that are hard to understand and frustrating to engage.  I don’t want them to be shot in the midst of a bad time.

I have known young men and women who have been diagnosed with mental health issues and seem some of them get better with time, therapy, medication, life style modification… seen some of them did not get “better”, but still found a way to function in society and find joy in their lives…  and I don’t want them to be shot before they have that chance.

I have seen parents struggle trying to care for children diagnosed with mental disorders; I have seen them struggle alone because nobody wants to talk about or hear about depression and mental health deficits.  (Tell ‘em to cheer up, get out of bed and get a job!  If you were a better parent, you’d push them harder).

Sammy’s age was significant to me because I have also seen parents despair when the government and institutional support runs out as children hit 18 and become adults.

You see, I want to talk about all of these things.  I want to talk about autism, mental health, anti-social genius, creative disconnect and all sorts of issues that describe those who do not fit into our “normal” way of life and I’m worried that if we find a “bad guy”, we’re going to put off having these discussions and more of our children, young adults, neighbours, parents, brothers and sisters are going to die in a hail of mis-directed bullets. 

Morning Coffee with Jesus

 Now, I appreciate that my humour and imagination might be offensive to some... but for me, they are tools to get me to deeper truth.  So, I apologize in advance to any that I might offend...  I stand befuddled by the Zimmerman verdict, not because the law was improperly applied; not because the jury failed to do their duty, but perhaps because the law was obeyed and the jury did its job... and still a 17 year old boy is dead.   

Sitting in my backyard early this morning… enjoying the cool morning before the humidity takes over… rising sun bestowing a sense of calm hope: A whole new day waiting for me to begin… sipping a nice hot cup of green tea and talking to Jesus.

Well, of course I’m talking to Jesus, it would rude to ignore him.

There he is sitting on my faux wicker couch, cup of black coffee in his hand.  I've often wondered if coffee is really the best way for the Son of Man to begin his day… but as he has explained to me, “You want irrefutable proof of the existence of a Loving God?  It’s that first sip of coffee in the morning…  it tastes like angels singing.  Tea is just a bunch of leaves in water”

This morning He’s still pretty shook up over the George Zimmerman, Trayvon Martin verdict. 

You know, for a guy who spent so much time in the first century under oppressive military rule, surrounded by intolerance and racism, he can sure be naive.   

“The jury did its job, Jesus… they listened to the facts, applied the law and recognized that George Zimmerman acted in self-defense”

“Against, what?  A 17 year old boy with some Skittles?”

“No, an aggressive young man, who, apparently, would not back down”

“So, for being 17 and full of assertive energy, a young boy is dead…. I suppose that I’m lucky we didn't have guns or self-defense laws in the first century, none of my Apostles would have lasted long…”

I let that one hang in the air for a while…

“Jesus, you have to understand the necessity for a ‘Stand Your Ground’ law… people’s right to defend property must be supported, or those who bully and take our stuff will win… and if we’re going to have the right to protect your stuff, we have to be allowed to use lethal force, or the bad guys are simply going to call our bluff.”

Jesus looked at me with those big brown eyes  (they are sooo big) and told me about the first time he met Paul, James and John; how he invited them to leave their nets and their stuff behind to follow him… and they did. Matthew left his job... Andrew left his teacher... everybody who followed Jesus left all their stuff behind.

 “Yeah,” I said, feeling a little uncomfortable,  “but they didn’t have great stuff like I have… I’ve got a convertible and have you seen my new Blackberry?  I mean, it fits right in my pocket and it’s not going to slow me down if I’m following you… and think of the great pictures I could take for FaceBook and Pinterest”

“Well,” Jesus said, “it is a nice phone, although I prefer a real keyboard… but if you want to follow me,  you need to let go of your attachment to goods and property.”  He noticed my jaw drop, “Seriously, give it all up and follow me.  The added bonus is that if you follow me, you  won’t need a ‘Stand Your Ground’ law, will you?” (Mark 10:17ff) 

“Well, sure… but still people can be pretty mean.  Surely we need some kind of law to protect us from muggers and those who would take the shirt off our back… is it so much that I want to keep my shirt on?  I burn so easily in the sun”

Jesus reached over to hold my hand… slipped a little bottle of sunscreen into it and said, “From anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again…”  (Luke 6:29.30)

“Come on, that’s crazy!  It’s my shirt!!  It’s my colour!! I worked hard for it!!!”

Jesus gave me the look that parents give a three year old that just doesn't seem to grasp the idea of nap time… and then he asked  me “Why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?”   (Matthew 6:28ff)

I could feel my face burning… “I think that ‘You of little faith’ is a bit harsh.  I mean, I’m here talking to you, obviously, I believe in you..”

Again with that patient smile, “I didn't say ‘you of little belief’ – I know that you believe in me, but I’m not sure about your faith.  Faith is about living as if you believe in me… faith should change the way that you live… perhaps not worrying about a shirt that brings out the colour of your eyes, or believing that property is more important than human life, or having hope even when everything seems to be falling apart…”

“Sure, I get it… but if someone is threatening me… if they even lay hands on  me…”

Jesus cuts me off… “If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also” ( Luke 6:29a)

Silence.

I had nothing to say…

Silence.

Probably the kind of silence that Pilate heard.

Finally, I ventured… “It sure would be easier to do this if you were around.  If you could remind us”

“What do you talk about in church?” Jesus asked.

Not wanting to brag about our latest fundraiser, I decided to retreat into the silence.

My tea was cold.

Jesus took my hand and  looked me in the eyes… not in judgment, not in scorn, but with a deep understanding and love and He said, “Norm, I know that you try.  But do remember when I said that no one can serve two masters? You will either hate one and love the other or be devoted  to one and despise the other?  Well, here it is… you cannot love property over life, or you will find yourself shooting people over a car… you cannot love your “rights” over your desire for service and justice, or you will soon be taking care only of yourself…. you cannot pursue power over love or you will find yourself killing all those things that challenge you… remember Herod?  AND you cannot follow me and shoot me at the same time…”

“But, nobody shot you!  Not this time… it was in Florida…”

“…for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,  I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me…. I came into your neighbourhood and you shot me….   just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me. …” (Matthew 25)

“But, Jesus… it’s the law.... it's fair… aren't you listening?”

“Norm…I'm Jesus... aren't you listening?”

He left shortly after that... 

Trayvon Martin: Us People have to do better.

So what do I do, now?

George Zimmerman has been acquitted.

A man who, unprovoked, followed a young black man in a hoodie… just followed him because he didn't feel that he “belonged”.

A man who ignored the police direction to stay in his car.

A man who referred to this young man, Trayvon Martin, as “they”…("They always get away")

A man who used a gun to shoot and kill a young man who was armed with no more than a bag of Skittles.

A man who’s description of events seemed to change with successive interviews.

A man who I feel strongly should have been convicted of murder, or at the very least manslaughter.

He’s gone home to his family.  (They always get away)

What am I supposed to do with that?

How do I respond to the rotting sickness that I feel deep inside?
How do I channel that anger that boils up?

How do I handle the tears that just want to flow and flow from my eyes?

Is it possible that the jury heard and saw things that I don’t appreciate and that I would have come up with the same verdict had I been part of the trial?  Yes, I suppose that it is.

Is it possible that the jury’s verdict was just another example of pervasive systemic racism in Florida?  Yes, I suppose that it is.

Is it possible that this systemic racism isn't limited to the state of Florida or even the U.S.? 

Yes, I damn well know that it is...

So, what do I do with this anger that I feel?

How do I express my deep, deep, bitter grief over the loss of a young life and this corrosion, erosion, and implosion of humanity?

I pray.

I pray to God for Trayvon and his family.

I pray to God for every young black man who goes for a walk outside of his neighbourhood.

I pray to God in shame and remorse for what we have done with God’s glorious creation: Humanity - our small mindedness, our tribalism and our trading our ability to love for on a promise to keep "them" out of our neighbourhoods.

And then, I make damn sure that I never refer to anyone as "They" or “Them”.

Not Young Black Men

Not Hispanic Women.

Not Asians.

Not Old People.

Not Kids.

Not Muslims.

Not Jews.

Not Buddhists.

No Atheists. 

Not Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual, Transgendered, Transsexual, Queer or Two-Spirited people.

Not Teachers.

Not Workers.

Not Liberals.

Not Conservatives.

Not Dreamers.

Not Idiots.

Not Drug Addicts.

Not Victims.

Not Cops.

Not Criminals.

Not Feminists.

Not Progressives.

Not People with Aids.

Not People Who's ideas piss me off.

Not ... Not... Not....  

No more “THEM”….   I need to talk about “US”.  I need my words and my actions to reflect an attitude and inspire a world where we are, together, brothers and sisters… a time and place where we are one… when this "Kingdom of God" that Jesus talks about really is at hand... where we take seriously, Jesus' example of reaching out and connecting with the margins, the untouchables, the "NOT the Sames".... where my first reaction to seeing a stranger in my neighbourhood is to offer him shelter in the rain, the help that needs, and a safe way to his destination... 

    because that’s how “Us” people treat one another.

I know that it won't be easy... I've got a few people that I like to keep out... that's why I need to pray, because I can't do it alone.   But I will pray... I will try.

God, forgive us… and help us change. 

Out here on the FRINGE

My favourite time of the year: Toronto Fringe Festival.   

148 shows in 35 different locations around Toronto… some great, some not… all worth your time.

And one might ask why I feel this way?

Is it my love of theatre?  

Yes.

Is it my desire that we should all support creativity and give the Arts a place to flourish?  

Yes.

Is it the excitement of discovering the next “Da Kink in My Hair” before anybody else sees it; the rare opportunity to see existential clowning outside of a Beckett play; Shakespeare in a pub, or the chance to drink apricot wheat beer while waiting to queue up for a Scottish Transvestite revelation of God?   

Yes. 

Yes. 

Yes. 

Aye!

But it’s more than that… I love the Fringe Festival and recommend it to All and Sundry (if you see Sundry, please mention it to her) because it provides us all with the opportunity to be offended.  In many years of Fringing I have been offended several times – I won’t mention them here, because may offense may be your orothodoxy, but rest assured I have heard and seen things that made me cringe, made me angry, made me declare “That was utter crap!” while sipping a glass of wine after the performance… and I revel in that. 

I need to be offended.

Just for practice.

None of us can truly live in the world without being offended from time to time, but the problem is that we often appear to aspire to such a world:  A world in which our teams never lose, our party wins every election, our songs are on the radio, all thermostats are set the same as ours, our ideas are applauded and never challenged; our place in the universe is comfy and secure.  We create gated communities in our minds and allow in ONLY the ideas that look like our usual ideas, that sound like our usual songs, that feel like our favourite old shirt and make us feel safe and secure.  But every now and then, an idea in a Hoody slips past the gate and we shoot it because it doesn't belong; we jump all over it because it doesn't look or feel right; it doesn't fit in. 

Before that happens (again), we need to go out and be offended from time to time, just so that we can learn to deal with offensive ideas and concepts without extremism.  We need to hear these offensive ideas and consider them, wonder about them – we don’t have to agree with them, but we do need to know how to engage them without creating a dramatic US/THEM dialectic; an “If you’re not for me, you’re against me” mentality.  We need to hear language that is not our own and points of view that we have never considered.

Things like the Fringe Festival provide that.  Besides great stories, laughter, music and dance, these performances takes us on adventures.  We are not in control of the map.  There is an unspoken trust, as we allow writers, directors and actors to take us we know not where… And unlike TV, we can’t turn it off if we don’t like the plot; we can’t put the book down if the language or ideas push our buttons.  We could walk out, but we don't , because  at the Fringe you can’t get back in…. and then we'll never know if it got better.  For 55 to 85 minutes, we hand over control to another person or group of people and so we often take a path that we would never have taken on our own and end up in places that we never imagined existed.   That’s the joy and importance of the Fringe.  In an age where I program all the music that I listen to you and download only the media that belongs in my gated mental community, it's not often that I relinquish control to anybody.

Please understand, I enjoyed the Wizard of Oz, I agree with the over-arching theme and I’m very glad that "There is no place like home"   But I think that it’s also a good idea from time to time for someone to come into my home and rearrange the furniture – throw out that crappy couch and install a sex swing.  Just to shake things up a bit…  That’s what the Fringe does for me.

 (Well, not the sex swing… I tried installing one, but I just couldn't see the TV from it….)

 

In short: Go to the Fringe – it’ll blow your mind.  And that’s a good thing.

Acting in the AFFIRMative

So, a little more than a week ago, Jubilee United Church became an Affirming Ministry.  

What that means is that we are intentionally welcoming and inclusive of all people, with an expressed welcome to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered (LGBT) people.  It turns out that we are the first church in North York to be officially “Affirming”.  I was a little surprised by that  (thought there would be more).  Since that day, I've been contacted by four other churches wondering how we did it and  if it was worthwhile.

Let me explain why we did it…

How we did it…

And why it took so long for us to do it…

First: Why.

Because it’s exactly what Jesus would have done.   Jesus regularly reached out beyond the centre, past where the majority sit in comfort, into the margins where people wondered if they actually were noticed by God.  He reached out to women in a culture that gave them no name and only shame in public.  He reached out to those who were grieving, when the rest of the world had nothing to say.  He reach out to Samaritans when proper first century Jews gave them disdain and a wide berth.  He spent time with despised tax collectors and disenfranchised widows; foreigners and prostitutes were his companions.    In the western world today, LGBT people are often found in the margins… left out of the centre… and a lot of young men and women, upon recognizing their own sexuality and discovering that their feelings and nature have left them out of the majority, wonder if God has left them out as well.  Just as Jesus did, we need to reach out and assure our brothers and sisters that they are loved, included, valued and needed. 

Some wondered if we weren't beyond being Affirming. After all, we have openly gay celebrities, self-identified LGBT people living in our communities, running businesses, George Takei is on Facebook and Twitter… we have an openly Lesbian Premier in Ontario and an openly Gay Moderator of the United Church.  Surely, there is no longer any need for us to make such a statement.

Did I mention that we are the first church in North York to become Affirming?
That means that no other church has made the explicit statement that we have made, even though the United Church of Canada declared that Sexuality was no barrier to being Ordained over 25 years ago… even though we have had same sex marriage in Ontario for a decade.  It is still politically beneficially for a Mayor of Toronto to be reluctant in supporting Pride Week.  Bullying and violence against LGBT teens is on the rise in 2013, not a thing of the past.    When the Defense of Marriage Act  was defeated in the U.S. last week (this act would have stopped individual States from recognizing same sex marriages), “Christian” commentators were invited on most networks to give the "Christian" perspective and it was almost unanimously AGAINST equal marriage rights for all people.    As I look around, I realize that our society is not BEYOND Affirming at all.  Children are being beat up… people in love are being refused their rights, even when it costs the rest of society nothing.   We need a few more rainbows around (rainbows being the symbol for Affirming and including, celebrating and welcoming the LGBT community).

So, how did we do it?

About two years ago, I asked about 20 people from the church to join me and talk about becoming an Affirming Ministry.   I invited some LGBT people in our congregation (please note: they are not a club, they are not a single entity… many of them disagree with each other, like each other, don’t like each other and have entirely different agendas from each other – just like everybody else!)  I invited some straight people (whatever term you choose… majority, people of privilege, breeders, neighbour, “I don’t know, maybe you”), some folks that I knew would be supportive, some folks that I suspected might find this challenging and some folks about whom I had on inside info or preconception.    We talked about the idea of Jubilee becoming Affirming.   We began to talk to others outside of the group (we met two or three times).  We wrote about becoming Affirming in the church bulletins, newsletters… we invited discussion and provided resources and reading material.  We let the word spread naturally.

Not a whole lot of formal “programming”.  It didn't seem like a campaign - nobody was "selling" anything. 

As word got around, I found myself visiting people’s homes and sitting down and talking. Actually, more than talking, I found myself listening.  I listened to concerns that we might become too much a “one note” church, only reaching out to the LGBT community and shunning others… I heard of fears that we would be over-run by new people who would change the way we do things…  I heard concerns that others might leave our church if we became Affirming (nobody suggested that they might leave, but they feared that others might)  I heard from only person that it was against God’s will that we accept LGBT people as they are, without condemning their “life style”.    

What I found is that many people were simply afraid of change.  

What I discovered is that many folk were so happy with the way things were at Jubilee, they didn’t want to risk any change.  

What I heard were a great many people who wanted to wonder about loud about the issue, but were afraid of being labeled “homophobic” or “backward”.  

In the meeting and talking, I found that most fears were relieved… without my having to do or prove a thing.  People got it… and embraced what we were trying to do, they just needed the chance to come to it themselves.

It was announced in advance that, at our Annual Meeting, we would vote on engaging with Affirm United to be designated an Affirming Ministry.  I presented the question with three options:  

YES, being the Process.  

WAIT, we need more time.  

NO, do not proceed with becoming an Affirming Ministry.  

Before the vote, a member of the congregation, who is lesbian, spoke of a woman who became accepting toward the end of her life and her only regret was the time that was lost before she has understood.  Our friend then invited the congregation to vote with their hearts and to not vote out of fear. “If you vote to not proceed… don’t worry, we won’t storm out… we won’t leave you”.

Best. Words. Ever!

The congregation voted 91% to engage.  The other 9% voted to wait a little longer. Nobody voted “No”.

I cried all the way home.

I didn't cry because I’m gay and found it a victory.  I’m not… and it wasn't a victory.  A victory means that there are vanquished:  Someone is defeated.  Nobody lost with this decision.  What I found so gratifying is that the community that I help to lead and love so dearly, chose welcome and risk over comfort and complacency.   We were happy and satisfied just the way we were… we have just come off of our first balanced budget… we were showing growth.  Whenever you decide to begin a new ministry or clarify/specify your identity you risk upsetting the status quo.   We decided to risk upsetting the status quo… just like Jesus.  We decided that welcoming others was more important that our comfort and satisfaction.  That’s why I cried..  For the moment of the vote, at least, we got it.

   (by the way, we continue to get it...)

So, why did it take SO long?  

Two years is a long time to do what it right.   We could have met the requirements and followed the guidelines presented by Affirm United in a few short months. 

I have friends who feel that the United Church of Canada should simply legislate “Affirming Ministries” and make our churches comply, after all it is a matter of Justice and the right thing to do. 

I sympathize.
However, I also recognize that it is challenging for many people in the majority community.  And we bear some responsibility for that… and to them.  For centuries (even millennia) we have spoken with authority and told people that homosexuality is offensive to God.  We have endorsed a heterosexual culture as the only one acceptable to God, without any regard for those who are homosexual, bisexual, asexual  or transsexual.   We have endorsed a literal prescriptive reading of the Bible that has not encouraged engagement with the text, challenging of ideas or faithful struggling with context and interpretation.  We have often provided, or left unchallenged, a very lazy faith that sees the Bible as a dictionary that provides simple definitions of right, wrong; in and out.

That wasn't some other church doing that… that was our church.  The one that has existed for 2000 years and continues to struggle in its witness to God’s Love and the Ministry of Jesus Christ.   We shared in the abuses as well as the fruits of that church and we can't just turn our backs and say "Not Us".  

We have failed to stand up when others were marginalized or when privilege was protected instead of challenged in our faith communities.   And so, when members of our community are baffled by these “new” insights, we owe them some patience, time and compassion as they discover for themselves, the grace and love that we have found.

I’m not saying that Justice should be delayed… but as the church moves toward justice, it need to give people ample opportunity to catch up and share in the ministry.

And that’s why we took 2 years. 

That, and that fact that I misread a couple of the requirements set forth by Affirm United, but we can talk about that another day. 

For now, allow us to celebrate the moment… and help us to imagine how we are going to live out this ministry in our community as the future unfolds.

In closing allow me to share with you this picture of a great many of our congregation - dressed as a rainbow - on the day that we become officially Affirming. 

And, allow me to recommend the wonderful people, and resources at Affirm United

http://www.affirmunited.ca/